What Kind of Boy Should I Look For?

It is a “status symbol” today for young teenager girls to have a boyfriend. The world says that if you want to attract a boy, you have to dress like the rest of the girls. Showing off your bodies with low-cut tops only attracts the kind of boys you shouldn’t have. There was a saying on Facebook that went around a few days ago:

Girls think that if a boy looks at her, it makes her “popular” or that she is something special. But stop and think about it. If a boy just looks at you for your body, it does not say much for his character. You have thoughts, opinions, likes and dislikes, and things you enjoy in life. If all a boy wants is you for your body, he is not interested in anything else about you. That’s a very selfish characteristic in a person, don’t you think?

You do not absolutely need to have a boyfriend as a young teenager. What you absolutely need is to practice being the best Christian young lady possible. Then when you are ready, you can concentrate on finding the one that God has already picked out for you. The most important thing in your life should be that this boy/man (who will steal your heart) loves the Lord with all his heart. You won’t find this type of boy in the “world.” Anyone can say they are a Christian or that they love Jesus.

The Bible does not speak of dating. The relationships the Bible refers to deal with marriages or adultery. In biblical days, parents chose the boy a girl was to marry. But today, the girl makes her own choices. We will cover dating issues later on. But for today, let’s concentrate on what qualities you should look for in a boy.

What girl in her right mind wants a husband who will treat badly. The Bible says that we are to be equally yoked so the most important thing is to marry someone who is a true born-again Christian. 2 Corinthians 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 

When you have found someone, take time to study him. Here are some warning signals which should alert you to stay away:

(1) lying – if he lies to you now, he will lie a LOT more after marriage; Proverbs 12:22 Lying lips [are] abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly [are] his delight.

(2) jealousy and being a controller – these are tendencies which often lead to violence, in many cases; Proverbs 6:34 For jealousy [is] the rage of a man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.

(3) his desires – does he always want the latest gadget, new car, etc. If so, it shows a lack of self control. He will have difficulty saving money because he will always be spending it; 1 John 2:15-16 Love not the world, neither the things [that are] in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that [is] in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.

(4) can’t control his sexual desires – any boy/man who does not want to respect you in this area is not living for the Lord – it’s a dead giveaway; Ecclesiastes 7:26 And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart [is] snares and nets, [and] her hands [as] bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her.

(5) the way he treats his family, especially his mother – the way he treats his mother is the way he will treat his wife; Proverbs 15:20 A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish man despiseth his mother.

These are some of the things you shouldn’t want in a boy. Don’t settle for less! There are boys out there who want to live Godly lives and they are looking for girls who want the same thing. Marriage is a life-time commitment. Waiting on the man that God wants as your life-time partner is worth the wait! But if you depend on your own desires, you will end up “settling” for a man that will bring heartache later. That is not what God desires for you.

Look for a boy that is serious about God and his relationship with God. As a result, this type of boy will have a desire to “grow” his relationship with you. Is he humble? Proverbs 9:9 Give [instruction] to a wise [man], and he will be yet wiser: teach a just [man], and he will increase in learning. Is he honest? Ephesians 4:28 Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with [his] hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth. Is he selfless? A Christian boyfriend should be learning to be the kind of husband that loves his wife as much as Christ loves the church – willing to give his life for his wife and family. Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. Will  he be a good provider for his family? Not just in money but being the spiritual leader for his family. 1 Timothy 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. Will he be a good protector? Not just physically speaking but emotionally as well. 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [them] according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

As you decide what qualities you want in a husband, be sure to match your personalities. Your relationship with the Lord is extremely important. There is no room for dating an unbeliever! This starts a relationship against God’s will so what good can come of it? Once you have found another believer, see how your personalities match up? Do you have the same likes? For example, does he like lots of sports-like activities and you don’t? Does he like sitting and reading quietly but you like the outdoors? Sharing interests is important and gives you things to talk about and do together. Does he have a good sense of humor? Does he have a positive outlook on life or is he negative all the time? Remember, the fruits of the Spirit are peace and joy. A man who displays these fruits will be a good catch: Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

The girl who is patient (longsuffering is also a fruit of the Spirit) and waits for the boy/man that God intends for her will have a marriage that will bring her years of joy. Don’t settle for less. God doesn’t want you to – He has a man especially picked out with your dreams, loves, and desires all in mind. Why would you want someone who doesn’t meet up to these? When it comes to a man, set your standards high, based on the Scriptures, and you won’t go wrong 🙂

My Body ***Sigh***

~Psalm 139:14-16 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully [and] wonderfully made: marvellous [are] thy works; and [that] my soul knoweth right well. 15 My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, [and] curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. 16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all [my members] were written, [which] in continuance were fashioned, when [as yet there was] none of them.

There’s not one young woman (or adult woman) that I have met who is satisfied with the way she looks. Even the most fit women are not content with their bodies – they always have another pound to shed or more muscle to build up. Today’s culture states that women must be slim and built like a body builder but that is the world’s thoughts, not God’s plan for our lives.

God made each of us unique. Wouldn’t life be boring if the fields were filled with all red roses? As beautiful as a red rose is, and as wonderful as it smells, we would not like them nearly as much if that is all we saw.

Teenaged girls and young ladies’ bodies are dealing with many changes within. Female hormones cause changes in the body and this may take a few years to level off. Some of those changes include weight gain and the transitioning womanly features (breasts, slender waistline, bigger hips, periods, pimples, etc.). Some are wonderful changes while others are not so wonderful. The world seems to have all the answers but they are not always the right answers for today’s Christian teen girl!

For example, some girls struggle with weight gain which in turn produces low self esteem. So let’s look at this for a bit. Is there a reason for being over weight other than hormones? If you want to get a “handle” on this, you must be honest with yourself. Are you overweight because you eat too much? Do you snack a lot? Do you drink a lot of sodas? If you do, then only you can control what is put into your mouth. If pizza is all that is being served, then have only one slice and eat a salad with it. If there are only fattening snacks in the house, ask your parents to buy you fruit and healthy snacks. Remember, your brain tells your hand to put things into your mouth. Train your brain 🙂

But to the teen girl who is eating right but is overweight because of genetics (your parents are heavy, your grandparents are heavy, etc.), it can be discouraging. However, it doesn’t need to be this way. Remember that God made you unique. He has a purpose for your life, just as He does for the popular shapely Christian girl in your Sunday School class. So try disguising your shape with appropriate clothing. Today’s trend is to wear tight clothing, whether or not you have a weight problem. But that is the best way to dress if you want to get hurtful comments from those mean kids at school. Stay away from clothing that outlines the woman’s figure. Flowing tops and dresses that cover those difficult areas are best. Stay away from belts which accentuate the waistline. Wear loose fitting clothing in colors that you like and make you happy. What you think about your clothing will determine how you feel about yourself when you wear them.

Finally, activity is the key to taking weight off and keeping it off. You can be eating all the right foods but if you aren’t active, it won’t help. Before the technology revolution, teenagers spent time outside playing sports, walking to their friend’s house, walking to their favorite hangout. However, today is quite different. Most teenagers have their own cars and drive everywhere. Most spend their time on the computer or cell phones. The physical activity levels have dropped immensely in our society. So look at your lifestyle and make some changes if you need to. Activity will make you feel better (physically and emotionally) about yourself. Notice I spoke of activity, not exercise. Exercise, in moderation, is a good thing. Too many teen girls are obsessed with exercise and how their bodies look. However, the girl’s mind is focused on the wrong things. Paul encouraged us to take part in godly exercise: reading your Bible, putting into practice what you read, allowing the Holy Spirit to work in your life to change you from the “inside.”

~1 Timothy 4:8 For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come.

Lastly, ask your father and/or your mother what they think? If you share your feelings about your weight with them, they will help you achieve your goals. All parents want their children to succeed.  You are not alone in this dilemma. So many teen girls are unhappy with their bodies and all they need is help to eat the right things, buy the right clothes, etc. 🙂

Why Don’t My Parents Understand Me?

“My parents just don’t understand me! Ackkkkkkkkkkk!”

Is this really a true statement or is it a biased one? Most misunderstandings happen because of poor communication between the two parties. Many teenagers hate the fact that their parents don’t treat them as adults. Being an adult brings responsibilities – one of which is talking about difficult and hard to discuss issues. If you want to be treated like an adult, then you must first start acting like an adult. This may not be what you wanted to hear but it is exactly the root of the problem. Acting like an adult is not easy if you haven’t been taught how!

So with this in mind, let’s see what Scriptures have to say about this topic. First, remember your role as Christian teenager. The Bible says that children (and this includes you) must obey their parents. Why? Because it is well pleasing to God! If you are disobedient, then you will reap what comes with disobedience and that can result in parents who are disagreeable.

~Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

~Colossians 3:20 Children, obey [your] parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.

Disobedience brings about punishment: being grounded, having privileges taken away, etc. Obedience is not just a “child” thing. Even adults have to answer to authority: the Bible, the laws of the land, rules at work, etc. How we react to these things as adults depends on how well we learned obedience in the home. If you are unwilling to obey now, you will have struggles with rules and authority throughout your entire life.

Most parents want to give their children everything they possibly can. Parents have to make choices and keep in mind what is best for their child. They will also make decisions based on how their child accepts responsibility. For example, are your chores done without being asked? How’s your attitude? Do you complain when you’re asked to set the table? Or do you wait to be asked several times? Your attitude and obedience will dictate your parents’ reaction. I’m sure you experience the exact same thing with your younger brother or sister. How do you feel when you ask your little sister to stay out of your room and she doesn’t? It’s basically the same thing. Obedience comes with practice and submitting yourself to God and His Word. It’s been this way since the beginning of man. Adam and Eve disobeyed God and paid the ultimate price: they were thrown out of the Garden of Eden – the perfect home! Wow! If they had just obeyed, we would all be living in paradise right now. But before you get too hard on them, do you disobey your parents? It’s the same thing!

If you are a good Christian teenager and do exactly as you are asked, the issue between you and your parents may be due to a lack of communication. How are your communication skills? Do you get frustrated when your parents say things you do not want to hear? Or do you really listen and hear them out? Do you interrupt them and yell at them: “You just don’t want to understand me!” Most parents want to talk to their kids but anger and emotions get in the way of communicating. Don’t you get upset when your younger sister yells at you? Your first reaction is to yell back, right? This is where most families go wrong. Angry words don’t get you anywhere but into a mess. The solution is to explain yourself and how you feel in a calm manner. If you’re too upset to talk at the moment, ask them to sit and talk at a later time when emotions have calmed down. Starting this technique will bring a blessing to you – not only in the home, but it is good training for relationships as well as good training for when you get a job in the work place. You’ve probably heard the saying, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar” right? Sweet words will bring about better results in a conversation than angry words. It’s all up to you, teenager. Proverbs 16:24 Pleasant words [are as] an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones. and Proverbs 29:22 An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression. Angry words will definitely produce an argument, but sweet words (calm words) will produce a calm conversation.

God gave us His Word so that we can learn from it. He wants us to be able to grow from it and learn how to please Him. We please Him by obeying Him. You must remember that your parents do love you. They want what is best for you. If you make it a habit to talk to them when each problem arises, you won’t have a whole list of pent up emotions waiting to explode at the next conversation! Keep your complaint list short and “talked up” with your parents. They will become your best friends when you’re older. 🙂 Now is the time to set the ground work.

Acceptance

1 Samuel 16:7 But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for [the LORD seeth] not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.

On any given day at school, the popular girls are making fun of the other girls. Their comments are hurtful and have a lasting impact! You’re right, it isn’t fair. But the fact of the matter is that it’s important for us to feel accepted by others! It’s not just a teen girl issue – it’s a people issue in general. It happens to the boys – it happens to adults in the work place. It’s sad, but true!

Although the problem is the same in all age groups, the only thing that differs is how we chose to deal with the problem. No one can control how YOU feel unless YOU let them. Today’s verse explains that although man looks on the outward appearance of others (like those popular girls), God looks in our hearts. I realize that this may not be very comforting when you’ve been hurt by another girl, but do you know that you really don’t have to stay hurt?

The wonderful thing about being a Christian teenager is that you have the power of Christ in your life where the unsaved teenager does not. God’s word is just as powerful for you as it is for any Christian adult. The key is the way you use God’s word in your own personal life. An unsaved teenager would be hurt, bitter and would seek revenge. However, the saved teenager doesn’t have to take that path.  In fact, God doesn’t want you to take that path. He’s given you power to overcome these things. John 16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. Jesus took a LOT of abuse in His ministry, didn’t He? He was ridiculed by the Pharisees – He was ridiculed right up to His death on the cross.

But you aren’t being ridiculed to the point of death. I’m sure you feel like dying at times, but remember that God’s Spirit lives within you and you can encourage yourself by reading His word. 1 Peter 4:14 If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the Spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you; You have the advantage! God can help you to heal from your wounds 🙂 Isn’t that good news?

So how can you heal? You cannot be successful at healing if you first don’t forgive those who hurt you and make fun of you. I won’t tell you that it’s easy to forgive because it isn’t. But it’s the first step in your healing process. If you don’t forgive, you’ll simply be carrying this burden of hurt and pain.  That burden will only get heavier 😦 Jesus said: Matthew 18:22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. So that’s the first step in fixing your hurt and pain. Once you forgive that girl who has hurt you so badly, you will be able to start healing.

Once forgiveness has come, I’ve found that reading Psalms puts my heart in a “right attitude” and helps me to heal my broken heart. That is where God reaches down and hugs me. 🙂 Isaiah 43:4a Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee: God loves you and you are precious in His sight! That’s so wonderful, isn’t it? When you realize how special you are to God, you should begin to have a more tender heart toward those who are lost and have hurt you. YOU have the power to hold on to the pain or to let God heal you.

This is the difference between being an immature Christian and a mature Christian. Which one will you be, teen girl? It’s up to you 🙂

Worldy Desires

Photography by Cecelia Becker

~Exodus 20:17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that [is] thy neighbour’s.

Coveting is not a word that is common today.  It is better known as the “I’ve just gotta have” disease. The latest technology – the latest clothing – the latest sneakers – the latest everything is on top of every teenager’s list. If you don’t get it right now, it’s practically the end of the world!

Let’s look at what God thinks of this type of desire in your life. You will have to be honest with yourself to get anything out of today’s topic. Put aside what you think are your “rights” and dig into the Word of God to see what HE thinks. Coveting is really strong desire to have something that someone else has and that you want. Coveting also goes to the point of doing whatever you can to get what you want, even if it involves doing something wrong to get it. Someone who covets is never content or satisfied with what they have – they always want what they don’t have. This isn’t just a teenager’s problem – it is a “people” problem. We are in the “gotta have it NOW” generation and it affects everyone. But it isn’t what God wants for us.

Two things come from always getting what you want: (1) debt (2) and wanting more. The Tenth Commandment, today’s Bible verse, condemns the practice of coveting – it condemns the DESIRE to have something you don’t have or have enough of… coveting always wants MORE. This is what the Tenth Commandment condemns. It’s like looking at today’s picture. Coveting is wanting the whole “globe” instead of waiting and getting it piece by piece. Young married couples want the new house, furniture, cars, boats, etc. right after they get married. They get themselves into tremendous debt at the beginning of their marriage. This sets them up for some major arguments, struggles and long-term debt. This is all due to a lack of maturity – they are not content to wait until they can afford to buy certain items… they have to have those items NOW.

Coveting is also a very selfish desire and when it reaches this point, a person is willing to get what he/she wants at the expense of others. This is especially true in relationships. A good example of this is when a girl will do whatever she can to get a guy, even at the expense of losing her best friend. This is extremely self-centered and is not Christ-like at all.

~Philippians 4:10-13 But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of me hath flourished again; wherein ye were also careful, but ye lacked opportunity. 11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, [therewith] to be content. 12 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

The Apostle Paul new what it was to be content. Being content is the end result of maturity. Just because someone is an adult doesn’t mean they are mature. There are many adults who covet and are never satisfied with what God has blessed them with. They always want more. Being a spiritually mature teenager demands spending time in the Bible and applying what God teaches to one’s life. God wants us to be grateful for what we have which, in turn, makes us content. 🙂

God may want you to have clothing but He doesn’t necessarily want you to have $100 shoes. It’s unfair for you to ask your parents to buy you such costly things. However, some things are costly and are needed – like uniforms for sports, etc. Rather than desiring the latest trends, be satisfied with what your parents can buy you at Wal-Mart. If you absolutely have to have an expensive item, you should be willing to work for it.

Think about those things which you think you must have. Pray about it and talk to your parents about it. Ask their opinion. If they say no, then be content with what you have. Throwing a temper tantrum because you can’t get what you want is not being mature at all. It only enforces that you do not know how to be content. The answer is to train yourself to be content (satisfied) with what you have.

~Proverbs 23:4-8 Labour not to be rich: cease from thine own wisdom. 5 Wilt thou set thine eyes upon that which is not? for [riches] certainly make themselves wings; they fly away as an eagle toward heaven. 6 Eat thou not the bread of [him that hath] an evil eye, neither desire thou his dainty meats: 7 For as he thinketh in his heart, so [is] he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart [is] not with thee. 8 The morsel [which] thou hast eaten shalt thou vomit up, and lose thy sweet words.

Salt Makes You Thirsty

Colossians 4:6 Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.

When you eat too much salted potato chips, your mouth gets “pruny,” doesn’t it? You have to get something to drink right away to wash the taste out of your mouth. That’s a good example of too much salt. On the other hand, when you sit down to a great meal and the mashed potatoes haven’t been seasoned, you reach for the salt to give it some flavor. Too much of a good thing can be bad but just the right amount can be, oh so good! 🙂

I hope that this analogy helps you to get a better understanding of today’s Bible verse, teen girl. Read the verse and think about it for a moment, in light of the analogy above. Your salvation and love for the Lord should motivate you to tell your friends about Jesus and how they, too, can be saved. Salt makes one thirst, amen? Our words – our walk – should cause others to thirst after what we have.

Not only should your words be “seasoned with the salt of the Gospel” but your walk should be as well. You can preach all you want but if your walk is like that of the world, your words are no longer seasoned with salt – they are foul and leave a bad taste in a person’s mouth. I don’t know about you, teen girl, but if there’s something that upsets me is when someone says one thing and then does the opposite. It’s so hypocritical, amen?

Paul says that our speech should always be with grace. Webster’s 1828 Dictionary defines grace as:

1. Favor; good will; kindness; disposition to oblige another; as a grant made as an act of grace.

If your speech is seasoned with favor, good will, and kindness, it stands to reason that you would not be a hypocrite in your walk but would be practicing what you preach, amen?

Do your words and actions cause an unbeliever to thirst for Jesus in their lives? Do they see something about you and want to know more? Do they thirst for what you have in their own lives? This is what Paul is talking about, teen girl. Our walk with the Lord should be such that we cause others to thirst for the same thing in their own lives!

True Repentance

Photography by Cecelia Becker

Ephesians 4:28 Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth.

Repentance – what a much hated word in today’s world. People who call themselves Christians claim they are saved yet they cling to their pet sins. Some love to drink – some can’t seem to stop lying – some steal “little” things from work, like paper clips, etc. This is not repentance. A true born-again believing teen girl will feel guilty in her heart. She will have sorrow for what she has done. This is true of every true born-again believer!

Is it that way with you, teen girl? Are you still lying to your parents? Are you still stealing from Walmart? Are you still cursing? These things should not be so. Today’s verse is clear – “Let him that stole, steal no more.” If you are continuing in your sin, you must ask yourself why! The latter part of the verse tells you how to conquer your sin: “… labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth.”

When our eyes are focused on helping others and doing work for the Lord, they are not busy thinking of those sins that so easily tempt us.

Hebrews 12:1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

Get to work, teen girl! Ask your Pastor what you can be doing to keep yourself busy. Praying and reading your Bible daily at the beginning of each day will help you. Staying busy on “good” things that will please the Lord will help you stay focused. Pray throughout the day and seek the Lord’s face each time you are tempted.

You are not alone in your struggles – every born-again adult struggles as well. Hugs!! 🙂